Just recently, I had a dream about eleven ghosts, all dressed in red ballet outfits. When the clock hit 11am they would all go to the kitchen and stand in a straight line on one leg. 

Another dramatic dream I had last night. 

It’s Hari Raya and we have guests visiting our house. Suddenly a group of people in a jeep attacks us. Four of the guests who are family close friends take positions to guard the house. I’m sleeping under a blanket when I hear one of them calls my name. The one I call uncle and has been the closest to me since childhood. I don’t know where my parents or everyone else are. He says we need to hurry so he carries me to the car. On the way to the car he suddenly apologises for what he’s about to do. He then pulls out a gun. We struggle and he shoots me in the back. It turns out he was one of the bad guys. He also kills the other three friends.

I don’t feel the pain from the bullet, but the betrayal, the disappointment. I was in his arms. I died in his fucking arms.

The uncle was Dave Bautista by the way. Yup

I had a wild dream last night where I got kidnapped by a guy named Daniel. He took me to an island, threw me in a cage and kept threatening me with a gun. He was so obsessed with that gun it made me sick. So typical and boring. Fuck you Dan, be creative! 

The Final Chapter

I visited your town one last time. It felt like a ghost town, eerily quiet. I don’t remember the scent of your perfume. I can no longer recognise your voice inside my head. You have become a distorted image, familiar yet unrecognisable.

The only thing I remember is your favourite colour blue and how much you despised the color yellow, and you in that red t-shirt.

“Pluto’s Last Comet”

I hope you win in life as you deserve. Dreams aren’t always meant to be broken. It is to be pursued and fought for, through the darkness and in the light.

***

I didn’t win in this story.

Epilogue

“There’s always next time.”

“Yeah there’s always next time.”

Somewhere in August 2023, the weather was nice as I vividly remember. It was election day so plan for the day was to head back to my parents' to vote and then rush back to my place. By the time I arrived it was already late. The next day you had already gone back to your town. I sat in my room with “Enchanted” by Taylor Swift playing on repeat in the background for the entire night.

I did my nails, soft pink with a touch of pearl chrome powder, my go to. 

***

Here I am with just two hours left before 2025 ends, listening to “Enchanted” again, on repeat, for one last time I promise. I’m leaving everything about you in 2025.

Happy New Year 

***